


Beautiful Blue Jay

by hollyharley



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Rape Aftermath, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, author using fanfic to cope, rory's dance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:40:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26455030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyharley/pseuds/hollyharley
Summary: "Rory's Dance" except Dean and Rory get in a fight, leaving Rory alone at a formal dance.Rory still gets home at 5:30 AM, but for a very different reason.
Relationships: Dean Forester/Rory Gilmore, Lorelai Gilmore & Rory Gilmore, Tristan Dugray/Rory Gilmore, he's the rapist, i don't know how to tag it lol
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Beautiful Blue Jay

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by Lorelei freaking out when her daughter isn't home making me think about what danger she could be worried about.  
> -  
> basically me venting in fanfic form. eek. 
> 
> tw: dances/formals, cursing, sexual assault, emetephobia tw, pregnancy, suicide attempt/suicide. **this is graphic. not porn because/// r/pe porn is disgusting lmao, but it's VERY graphic. dead dove: do not eat. so please, please, please stay safe. i wouldn't rec reading this if you're a sa survivor unless you're in a very safe place. 🤷♀️**
> 
> please stay safe!

Rory limped down the sidewalk.

Every step hurt. Her feet hurt. Her thighs hurt. Her head hurt. Her chest hurt. Worst of all, between her legs hurt.

She wished she had a cell phone. She wished her mom was here so Lorelei could hold her like a baby as she cried. She cried for her mom while it happened. She whimpered, _Pl_ _ease_ _, no_ _, I don't want to_. When he didn't listen, she whispered, _Mom, please help me_. He still didn't listen.

She could barely remember what her fight with Dean was about. On the way to the dance, they'd started to argue about Chilton and what it represented. About how the system was flawed vs. how that didn't mean her studies were meaningless... It seemed so stupid now. She wished she hadn't gone to the dance. 

Prideful, she had refused not go to the dance. She'd yelled at Dean to "just go home!" and slammed his door with a huff. She didn't even turn to watch him drive out of the parking lot. She'd thrown his ticket away. She thought she'd at least get some food before calling her mom to get a ride. She'd already gone through all the trouble to get here.

Big mistake.

She had eaten some snacks, careful not to spill punch on her beautiful blue dress. She ignored Paris's smug looks and Tristan's taunts, but after about thirty minutes, she realized it was pointless to be here. She didn't have a date. She didn't have an appetite. She was miserable. And now, she needed to pee.

She got up from the table and followed the signs to the bathrooms. After she peed, she looked at herself in the mirror. She was the only one in the bathroom, so she twirled. It was a wonderful feeling. She was as light as a bird; her dress as blue as a blue jay. It was beautiful. Her mother had worked so hard making it... What would her mother think when she found out she ruined this night? She had even hurt her back making Rory this dress. God, how was she going to call her mom?

When Rory had gotten out of the bathroom, Tristan was leaning against the wall. The hallway was empty.

"Hey, Mary."

Rory started walking towards the exit, and Tristan followed. "Leave me alone, Tristan."

"Oh, poor Mary. You came all alone, huh?" He wrapped his arm around her. He put his hand on her shoulder when she managed to shrug him off.

"Leave me alone, Tristan. Don't you have a date anyways?"

He laughed. "Ah, she's old news. I was looking for you."

Rory walked faster, but Tristan wouldn't stop touching her. She wished at this moment that Chilton was a Catholic school. That way the whole place would be swarmed with nuns. "Stop, Tristan!"

Tristan let go, but he still followed her out the door. "Sorry, Mary, I was just joking around!"

"Well, I didn't think it was funny. Leave me alone."

He kept following her towards the parking lot.

"And my name's not Mary! It's fucking _Rory_!"

Rory stopped when she saw the line of cars, realizing she had no where to go. She didn't even have a phone. Fuck, she'd have to go back inside.

"I'm sorry, Rory." Rory jumped. She didn't realize Tristan was still there.

Rory sighed. "Can I borrow your phone? I have to call my mom." She guessed little-mr.-rich-boy would have a cell phone, and, to her surprise, he shook his head.

"I don't have my phone. I got grounded."

"You're grounded but you were still allowed to go to the dance?" 

Tristan chuckled. "Yeah. It's important for my 'reputation.' It's all stupid to me, anyways. All these stupid rules. Don't get me started on the way they tease outsiders. You deserve to be here more than most of us."

That got a small smile out of Rory, but she didn't trust his sudden kindness. She crossed her arms. "I know you're messing with me, Tristan. Just go."

Tristan rubbed the heal of his shoe on the cement. "I'm serious, Rory. You're different. I'm sorry I've been bothering you... Being at Chilton messes with your head." He looked directly into her eyes. "Really. I'm sorry."

She noticed his eyes were a crystal blue. She rolled her eyes. "Okay. Apology accepted." It felt nice to appreciated, anyhow. For someone to be on her side at Chilton.

"Hey, do you want a ride home?" Tristan asked.

"Thanks, but... Stars Hallow's a half an hour away. That's too far."

Tristan refused to take no for an answer. Rory thought it was... kind of.. dare she say kind of him? Maybe his bullying was just a way of masking a very real person. Maybe Tristan wasn't so bad after all. So she got into his car, and they started the drive toward Stars Hallow.

That was her second mistake.

\------

Tristan had put in a CD, and they didn't talk much. It was a comfortable silence. At least until Tristan pulled over in the middle of the woods. 

Rory had had her head leaning on the window, and she turned to say, "Hey, this is where a deer ran into my mom's car!" 

Tristan was staring at her, and he didn't answer. He didn't tell Rory why he had stopped when she asked, either. He just unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over her, towards the window.

"Hey, stop! What are you doing?"

"Shut up, Mary." He crawled over her and pushed the lever on the side of her chair, sending her flying backward. Rory was terrified. She managed to unbuckle her seat belt, intending to run, but Tristan pushed her back into the seat. He was strong. Stronger than her. She tried to get up again, but he shoved her back down. So she stopped fighting, and she froze.

Tristan pulled her dress up and dug his knees on her bare thighs. Rory begged, "Tristan. I don't want to. Please, no, I don't want to." He looked at her and cocked his head. 

"You're the one who came into the car with me, Mary." The evil look in his eyes made her as still as a statue. She looked up at the car ceiling as Tristan slid his hand under her dress and ran his hand up and down her stomach. Rory pulled her head away from him, trying to get as a far away as she could. She started to cry, but Tristan ignored her. His hands traveled upward, and his nails dug into her breast. He tilted his head upward and moaned. 

Rory felt like she was dead. She was unmoving. She wasn't here. She wasn't anywhere. She wasn't Rory, and she wasn't alive.

Tristan took off his suit jacket, and then his tie. Rory stared at the ceiling, but she heard his zipper. Felt his pants being pulled downward on her legs. Tristan pulled down her underwear, and a wave of nausea rushed through Rory. _God, no. Please, no. Please, no, no, no, no, no._

She heard a chuckle. "Don't own a razor, Mary?" He positioned himself over her, pushing her legs open. And then it started.

Rory felt nothing and everything. She cried. She gagged. She whimpered for her mother, and when her mother didn't answer, she threw up, and Tristan- _Tristan, the monster-_ he just kept on moving back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and it hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt. Her body reacted, and she cried harder when Tristan moaned next to her ear, "Getting wet for me, huh?"

He

moaned and

moaned and

moaned 

moaned

moaned

back

and forth and

back

and 

forth

and

back 

and 

forth

and

backandforthandbackandforthand

Finally. 

He was done. 

He slumped over her. "Good girl," he whispered. He sighed contently. After a moment, in an almost kind gesture, he pulled her underwear back up. And then his. And his pants. He got back in the driver's seat. Put on his seat belt. Started to drive.

Twenty minutes later, he stopped. Rory hadn't moved. He poked her with his index finger. "This is your stop, Mary."

Rory blinked and didn't move. Tristan poked her harder. "Are you deaf or something?"

It was as if coming out of a dream. She reached upward and pulled her dress down. She slowly got up. Tristan had stopped right at the sign that said, _Welcome to Stars Hallow!_ She watched her hand open the car door, then felt her feet step out. Her hands grabbed her jacket and closed the door as Tristan said, "Thanks for the fine time, Mary!"

She stumbled down the empty street. She wished for a cell phone, wished for her mother, until she realized... She had let this happen. She had gotten into the car with Tristan. She had stopped fighting. God, she was so stupid! She promised herself, her mother, she'd keep her head down, get good grades, and never let a boy fuck her. And here she was. He hadn't even used a condom. 

She felt disgusting, and she didn't want to go home to see her mother and grandmother like this. She stopped walking besides Ms. Patty's; she saw Luke's diner across the street. There were people milling around, talking and laughing. Weston's bakery. Down the street, the market where Dean worked. _Dean._ _Had she just... cheated on him?_

She couldn't go into town.

She looked around her and saw Ms. Patty had left the door open. She looked behind her shoulder. No one was near, so she limped in. She collapsed onto the floor and pulled her jacket over, wanting to cover herself. She wished she could turn into a sexless blob right here. She wished... she wished this hadn't happened.

Rory cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Lorelai woke up with her mother shaking her shoulder.

"Lorelai, get up. Now! Right now!"

"What?" 

Her mother explained, and Lorelai got up in a panic. _No. Not my Rory._ "Rory!" She ignored how painful it was to walk. "Rory!" She wasn't in her room. "Rory!" Oh, no, no, no. 

Lorelai and Emily looked for the phone. All she could think was, _Please let Rory be safe. Oh, God, what if something happened to her?_

The phone rang. It was Ms. Patty. She had found Rory, alone, sleeping in her dance studio. 

_Thank, God. Oh, thank God._

She let out her breath and told her mother, "Rory's okay."

"Where is she? What happened?" 

"Ms. Patty found her at the dance studio. She's coming home."

"Alone? What was she doing alone? Do you teach your daughter to go out all night and not care about how we were _worried_ sick?"

"I don't know, Mom! Maybe her and Dean got in a fight, all right?" She sat on the couch. "She's safe. She's okay. That's all that matters."

At just that moment, Rory opened the door. 

"Rory!" 

Her mother ran to her, but Rory ignored her. She headed up the stairs. "Rory, what happened?"

Rory didn't answer. "Young lady, we were worried sick! What has gotten into you? Could you not have walked home?" Rory didn't answer. "See what you've done, Lorelai? Your daughter was probably out all night with that boy. God knows I'm too young to be a _great_ -grandmother!"

" _Get out!"_ yelled Lorelai. Rory's grandmother left swiftly. Rory was still standing on the stairs, frozen. Her mother tried to come near, but she stomped the rest of the way up.

"Rory! Seriously, what got into you? We-"

Rory didn't want to listen to this. She was tired. She was broken. She wasn't this woman's daughter, and she wanted to go into her room and sleep. "I broke up with Dean," she lied. She went into her room locked the door.

The next day, when Dean called, she broke up with him.

* * *

Two lines. That meant there was two people in the bathroom, sitting on the tile.

Rory was pregnant.

She had done a good job at hiding the rape. She'd cut contact with Dean. She had let her mother and Lane and her grandparents think she was upset about breaking up with Dean. She focused on her studies in school. She ignored Tristan and Paris and everyone who whispered about Tristan and Rory "hooking up." She ignored her pain and her shame and the fact that she had raped.

But then she missed her period.

It was the one thing she swore would never happen. She was 16, the same age as her mother. 

It hurt. All of it. Having to lie. Having to pretend she was okay. Having to be alone. This was the final straw. It was just... too much. Getting out of bed every morning was hard. She knew she had options. She could even get an abortion, but... Harvard was out of reach. A future was out of reach. Her life had ended the moment Tristan had touched her.

She couldn't pretend to be alive anymore. 

Her mother was at the inn, and she wouldn't be home for a few hours. It was time. 

She took the pregnancy test and stuffed in the bottom of the kitchen trash. No reason for her mother to know. She closed the trash can lid, grabbed a kitchen knife.

She went back into the bathroom, filled up the bathtub, and sat down.

Rory was a smart girl. She knew where the radial artery was. She aimed, and she cut. It hurt. But not as bad as Tristan had.

For the first time in a month, she rested. She relaxed. _It's over now, Rory._ She ignored her tears and lay down. She looked up through the window and saw the sky, the clouds. It was beautiful. She was grateful she could see it. 

She was getting groggy, but she swore she heard the front door slam shut. "Rory?" That was definitely her mother. She was too weak to answer. All of a sudden, all Rory wanted was her mother. _Mommy_. 

"Rory?"

Rory let out a whimper. She let go of the knife, and it rested on her thigh.

The bathroom door opened. "Rory!"

**Author's Note:**

> okay so the episode came out 20 years ago. yeah... you can blame netflix for that. I recently watched that episode as I am not too far into the show. from what I've heard, it takes a down turn in quality :( anyways
> 
> thank you for reading :)
> 
> \-----  
> if something like this happened to you, I'm sorry. there is support out there. I believe you.


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